Shangri La: A Parody of Epic Proportions
by Kuja and Lomesir
Summary: Jessie and Ella are two girls who find themselves stranded on ShangriLa, a dreamlike tropical island complete with a resort run by all the hottest bishies ever known. It seems like the best place to be. Still, something doesn't seem quite right...
1. Ch 1: Dreaming A Reality

**Author's Notes: **Heeeeyyyy! It's Kuja's Little Mage! Reporting to you live from Cancun where the both of us are!

Not a whole lot to say from either of us, except...Cancun is fun (boring the last few days but fun, an odd sort of peace around here), and that this is strictly a parody, so here are some things to expect:

- Mary-Sue Moments

- Bishies

- Sephiroth jokes

- Kefka jokes

- Vincent jokes

- Masamune jokes

- Old-school game parodies

And any other sort of associated jokes with any other bishies from here on out. Have fun! Just like with Bad Blood, Lomie and I swap writing chapters. I started with the first one.

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**Shangri-La**

**A Parody of Epic Proportions**

_by Kuja's Little Mage and Lomesir22_

**Tags:** Shounen-ai, Het, AU, Parody, Comedy

**Fandoms: **Various

**Rating:** PG-13

**Disclaimer: **Wehereby declare that none of the characters in this story are ours, except for Toshio, Vilium, David, Seth and our two Oc's. This fic is only for entertainment purposes and is not meant for money or distribution.

**Summary:** Jessie and Ella are two ordinary girls who find themselves stranded on Shangri-La, a dream-like tropical island complete with a resort run by all the hottest bishies ever known. It seems like the best place to be; how could it not? Still, something doesn't seem quite right...

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Chapter One

_"Dreaming a Reality"_

The soothing sound of the ocean was the first thing that confused Jessica and awoke her from an otherwise pleasant sleep. She blinked her brown eyes, bleary and tired, and felt sand underneath her fifteen-year-old form. She was still wearing her Tweety Bird pajamas from last night—or what she could only assume was last night.

Jessie sat up and brushed back beautiful auburn-red hair reaching to the base of her neck. Not beautiful, but not ugly, Jessie walked that thin plank between pretty and average, with a round, freckled face and pale skin belying an outdoorsy personality. She glanced about with puzzlement, noticing the hour appeared to be twilight and that she was just shy of sitting in the tides that lapped the shore. That was in front of her. She stood and turned to look behind her, and saw nothing but tropical forests and the peak of a roof to some sort of building just beyond that.

_Exactly where am I, and how did I get here?_ She wondered. She took some tentative steps to her left along the shoreline in her bare feet, her toenails still painted purple along with her fingernails, which were chipping. Jessica wrapped her arms around her. Not because it was cold—the weather was actually quite pleasant—but because she was feeling a little nervous. She had thought she was in bed, and now it appeared she was in a strange place with no idea of what was going on or how she'd arrived there.

_Maybe it was...? Naah...that was just a joke..._ Jessica paused as she remembered the letter.

_...It **was** a joke...wasn't it?_

Ah, who was she kidding? There was no reason to think about such a silly little thing. This was probably just a dream—yeah, that's right. Any minute now, this paradise would end and she'd wake up in bed, at home in Leesburg, where there was nothing but farms and modern life left, and she could hop onto the computer and surf the Internet like she always did.

So if Jessica was so sure that's what was going to happen, why was she feeling the need to reassure herself?

_Maybe this is one of those weird lucid dreams, or an out-of-body experience, or something._ Thought Jessica. _I mean, if I'm not dreaming, what else could it be?_

This was beginning to frustrate her. Jessica sighed and stopped in her tracks, her feet making deep imprints in the sand as the water eroded away the layers beneath her feet. She simply stared blankly ahead of her, looking quite clueless and worried. She chewed on her bottom lip and put her hands on her hips, the wheels in her head cranking endlessly. Even if she was sure this was a dream, she was trying to think of an explanation for it all. It just seemed so _real. _It was a strange feeling—she couldn't quite describe it—but it was a feeling, and she had it, and it wasn't going away.

Jessie turned in circles a few times as she tried to get her bearings on the land. There wasn't much of it to be seen. Other than this place, which she could only think to be an island, there was another islet far out in front of her that seemed much darker and less pleasant than this one somehow. It had a very morbid and sterile-looking building on its grounds, and that was all.

_Hmmmm,_ she pondered. Wait, why was she pondering? Ahh, forget it. This whole thing was making her get a headache. Jessica grumbled aloud, words that even she couldn't understand, and then turned as if to make off for the trees. Hey, there was a building that way. There weren't any other options she had unless she wanted to stay on the shore.

"I wouldn't be going through all that overgrowth alone if I were you, Kairi."

Jessie blinked. "Kairi? Who's Kairi?" But when she turned around, she gasped, shocked at who she saw. In front of her was a boy who was very strangely familiar, and only about a year older than her, with long silver hair and eyes as blue as the Caribbean-colored sea at this beach. He blinked at her, and then he frowned.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else." He crossed his arms. "Hmm, don't know why I thought you were her. Your clothes aren't anything like hers."

Jessica could only gawk in wonder at this...this...person. This really _hot_ person. There was no mistaking where she'd seen that face before, but she still couldn't believe that he was actually addressing her. _Her!_

_I **must** be dreaming,_ she thought, _Now I'm sure of it. Otherwise, I wouldn't be talking to..._

"Riku."

Her eyes fluttered. "I-I'm sorry?"

"I said, my name is Riku."

Jessica was silent. She just kept looking at him. "Oh," she muttered.

Riku smiled at her, and she thought she'd melt. She wasn't exactly sure why she felt the need to gush over him like Brad Pitt, but again, that feeling of reality was overwhelming her—even despite the fact she _still_ thought this was a dream.

"Confused?"

Jessica was turning as red as her hair now. "A little," she said quietly. She gave a bashful smile. It was every fangirl's dream! To actually talk to the one bishie she'd come to love the best most recently! It was almost too good to be true.

"Don't worry, a lot of the girls are like that when they first come here. You'll get used to it after a while." Riku turned on his heels and held out his hand, gesturing for her to follow. "Come on, I'll guide you through the tropics. It's confusing unless you've got someone with you who knows the lay of the land."

Jessica wasn't complaining, and more than eagerly followed at his heels. "Okay!" she said cheerily, drooling over Riku with her eyes. He was more than used to this by now, and took it all in stride, just letting her stare at him. He was surprised he hadn't gotten any invasive glances from the other girls yet. All of them were totally nuts for the employees here.

"I'm sorry this had to happen to you," he said.

"Don't be sorry," Jessica said suddenly. Her eyes were still on Riku. "This is great..."

Riku didn't let Jessica see his face, but he was frowning a little. He just shook his head.

"Anyway." He pushed back a few trees to reveal a path in the little jungle, and waved her in. "After you. Just keep at my side, and don't wander off the trail. This place seems perfect, but there are still some monsters around."

Jessica only nodded, and let out a very fangirly giggle as she tottered into the forest, a little more gleeful than she should have been. Riku followed behind her and then, walked beside her. After calming herself down (or trying to), Jessie turned to him and said brightly:

"So, Riku," she giggled again when she said his name, "What's this place called?"

Riku glanced at her briefly before his eyes turned forward again. "Shangri-La."

Jessica stopped in her tracks, paling.

_The letter._

A couple of days ago, she'd received a letter in the mail inviting her to a place that sounded like paradise. At the time, her parents had been arguing downstairs and she was going to go through a tough divorce on the horizon. She'd been feeling depressed, and the get-away sounded fabulous. Thinking it was a prank, she circled "YES" on the invitation and then tucked it away in her drawer.

Was she so sure it was a dream now? She didn't know anymore.

"Are you okay?"

Jessica nodded slowly, but said nothing. And yet, Riku recognized the look in her eyes very well. He held out his hand to her, and perhaps for comfort, she took it and squeezed. He squeezed it back.

"It's okay. I know you'll probably feel a little homesick. But it's better here, really. I promise we'll make you feel at home."

Jessica only nodded again and followed him the rest of the way, stone-silent. She didn't know how to react and wasn't ready to call it reality, but she didn't want to say it was a dream anymore, either. It was like being in the Twilight Zone. Nothing was real, but nothing was unreal, either.

Very strange, indeed.


	2. Ch 2: Letters in the Sand

**Author's Notes: **Lomie wrote this one...

_Lomesir says: _Sometimes there's not a lot to say, but this is not one of those times. In a strange twist of fate, there's not enough words to say it. Cancun was fun, and though we both denied it, it sunk into our imaginations from day one, as we stood in that effing line while waiting for our tickets. We dreamed of an airline run by bishies. When we arrived at the Moon Palace, aka Paradise, the "airline" changed to "resort". I recommended the name "Shangri-La", we chose names, and this story was born. This story has many levels, some only understandable by the authors. It's a parody, it's a snapshot of a week in the lives of two best friends. It's a joke, it's a biography.

It's a deep bow to the men and women who have worked tirelessly to provide beauty in its many forms. Today, we dedicate it creators of bishies and to the employees of the Moon Palace.

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Chapter Two

_"Letters in the Sand"_

Her bed was never this hard. Ella was quite certain of this, even as the last remnants of sleep tugged at her eyelids and urged her to slip back into unconsciousness. Ella repositioned herself on her bed before jerking awake. She wasn't on a bed. She wasn't even inside a house. No, Ella was sitting in her pajamas on a large boulder at the edge of a beach, a tropical beach, judging from the turquoise hue of the calm water.

Fear flooded through her like a shot of tequila. She had no memory of this place. Ella, quite awake now, racked her memories for some clue of how she had gotten onto this beach. Last night she had waved goodbye to her parents as they went to a dinner party...that was normal enough. She had gone to the booze cupboard. That was the usual, too. Perhaps it was the new drink she had tried, Sangria. _I knew I shouldn't have drunk so much_, Ella scolded herself. She tucked a lock of chin-length brown hair behind her ear and tried to assess her situation. From the looks of things, she had gotten herself seriously hammered and, in a drunken stupor, somehow gone from Washington, D.C. to...a tropical beach? Okay, something wasn't adding up here. Then it struck her! She was _obviously _in some sort of alcohol-induced hallucination, or at least a lucid dream.

But her mind was remarkably clear for a drunk and/or unconscious person. Ella hopped off the rock and shivered. This beach and the nearby jungle were seriously damaging her calm. She had, over the past few months, developed a comfort zone by blaming unexplainable events on any booze she had happened to ingest. For the first time in a long time, she couldn't do that. She had a whopping headache, the sign of a hangover. She was sweating from the intense sun, something she never did in dreams. But how the hell had she gotten onto a tropical beach?

Ella sunk down into the sand and hugged her knees. She wanted her parents. She wanted her room and warm bed. She wanted the previously cursed sounds of cars below her window. She wanted her (okay, her parents') alcohol. She wanted to go home. Ella closed her eyes and attempted to think of distractions. Had she been home, she would have tried to catch the morning cartoons over a breakfast of sausages and toast. _What would I watch?_ Ella asked herself in a methodical way. _I'd watch Teen Titans, Justice League, Batman... _

Batman. Ella had once adored Batman. The entire animated adventures of the Caped Crusader were sitting on her bookshelf in shiny DVD cases, a gift from her ever-loving parents. Ella's eyes widened as she remembered one particular episode. Batman had woken up into a perfect world. His parents were alive and he was not Batman anymore, but just regular Bruce Wayne. Some other guy had taken up the mantel of the Dark Knight. How had Batman figured out that it was a wicked plot by the Mad Hatter? Ella unfurled her legs and recalled the rest perfectly. Batman knew that the brain was divided into two parts, one for images and stuff, the other for...everything else, including reading and writing. You couldn't operate both at the same time, or something like that. Batman knew that he was dreaming when he opened up the newspaper and saw gibberish. An idea came to Ella.

Tentatively, she reached over and wrote with a finger, "I AM DREAMING." Ella stared at her words, realization sinking in. She stood up, numb. Her words seemed to mock her. She wasn't dreaming. She wasn't drunk. She was stuck on a tropical beach, more likely an island given her luck, and she had no idea how to leave. Ella backed away, unable to take her eyes off of the perfectly formed letters. A few seconds later, she was running down the beach, adrenaline coursing through her veins. "HELLO? IS ANYONE HERE?"

She ran until her chest hurt and her legs felt like jelly. She sank down into the saturated sand next to the gently lapping water, the surf soaking through her pajamas. She curled up into a ball and felt hot tears slip down her face. Maybe the tide was coming in and she'd drown. It sounded nice at the moment.

"Are you all right?" A concerned male voice asked. Ella felt a hand on her shoulder. "Salt water is very hard to get out of clothes, you know." Ella opened her eyes only to have a wave hit her full in the face. She yelped as the water burned her eyes. Strong hands pulled her up. "There now. It's okay. You've obviously been through a lot today." Ella peered up at the speaker and blinked.

He was a kind-looking man, young, probably in his mid-twenties. His big eyes and longish hair looked familiar. His blue kimono looked _very_ familiar. And his voice...so full of wisdom, yet laced with gaiety. Even through the burning and constant blinking, Ella knew that she was looking at and being addressed by Sohma Shigure.

"Where _am_ I?" Ella wailed, more confused than ever. She hastily pulled herself up and backed away from Shigure. Shigure knit his brow in concern.

"On an island called Shangri-La. If your story matches up with the other girls', you received an invitation a few days ago and probably circled 'yes'. Is that correct?"

Ella remembered now. She had gotten a letter in the mail telling her about a perfect world called Shangri-La, where there were no worries. She had read a book where there was a perfect island called Shangri-La, so she had brushed the whole thing off as a joke, though she had circled yes in a jaunty sort of way. She then threw it away and forgot about the whole thing. Ella looked at Shigure in mute horror. Shigure held out his hand. "Don't worry. You're quite safe here. There's even a resort beyond those trees. I'll show you the way."

Ella moved her hands behind her back and shook her head. Shigure's eyes softened and he nodded. "Just follow me, then. I promise that you'll be okay with me."

They walked into the trees, Shigure glancing every so often at Ella, who was doing the same thing, though in a fearful sort of way. Shigure tried to break the thick silence by making small talk. "So... what's your name?" he offered. Ella thought about it and decided that the question was safe.

"Ella."

"Well, Ella...where are you from?" he asked lightly. Ella frowned. She didn't want to give this person too much information.

"Where are _you _from?" she asked fiercely, though she already knew the answer: a manga series. And an anime. She wondered if this 3-D Shigure was aware of that fact.

"Japan, actually," he said serenely. The silence closed around the two again. Ella was more uncomfortable than she have ever been in her life. She thought about something Shigure had said a few minutes before.

"You said there were other girls here..."

"Yes, there are," Shigure said, though he frowned slightly. "And they all showed up just like you—suddenly and without any sort of preparation. Most of them were alarmed, I might add," he said, shooting a glance at Ella that she did not miss.

"Yes, well, you'd be alarmed too if you woke up on some remote island with no clue where you are and some random person comes up to you and—" Shigure laughed and interrupted her.

"Ella, I did too. We all did. No one knows how they got on this island, and no one knows how to get off."


End file.
